How to Ask for More Time off from your Employer
Three Days? That’s It? How to Get More Bereavement Leave When You Need It
The average bereavement leave in the U.S. is three days. Three. That’s barely enough time to plan a funeral, let alone process what just happened. If you're in the middle of navigating grief, and managing administrative tasks after loss, you’re not alone. Here’s what actually worked for me when I needed more than three days off from work.
Don’t Waste Time on FMLA
You might have heard that the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) can help, but spoiler alert: it doesn’t cover bereavement. FMLA is for caring for living family members. The only exception? If your mental health is suffering and a doctor can certify it. If grief is severely impacting your well-being, a grief therapist may help you navigate options for taking medical leave. Otherwise, save yourself the research rabbit hole and focus on more effective loss support options.
Talk to HR— Seriously, Just Ask
Even if your company policy says three days, HR will almost always work with you. In my case, I was able to take a few weeks off—fully paid. But here’s the thing: I had to ask. Be upfront about your situation and see what bereavement assistance options exist. Many employers offer grief support, even if it's not widely advertised. A solid support system for loss can make all the difference.
Consider Medical Leave for Mental Health
If you’re really struggling and your employer isn’t budging, talk to a doctor about taking medical leave for mental health. Burnout, anxiety, and depression are all valid reasons, and grief is a mental health event. A personalized care plan can help you prioritize caring for yourself while ensuring you have the time you need. Some employers may even offer grief support groups or family support after death to assist employees during hardship.
See If Remote Work Is an Option
If extended leave isn’t possible, ask if you can work remotely. Grief hits at random moments, and being able to ugly cry in private instead of in a fluorescent-lit office is worth it. This small flexibility can make a big difference in processing grief and maintaining emotional support. It’s also a way to balance work while navigating grief at your own pace.
Make It Easy— Use This Email Template
You’ve got enough on your plate. Download this free email template to request more bereavement leave from your employer. Because you deserve the time to heal. Whether you’re navigating the probate process, handling estate taxes, or figuring out funeral costs, having extra time off can help ease the burden.
Email Template
Subject: Request for Additional Bereavement Leave
Hi [Manager’s Name],
I wanted to formally let you know that my [mother] passed away last night. I’m still in the thick of processing everything—grief, logistics, and all the emotions that come with losing a [parent.] I know our company policy allows for three days of bereavement leave, but as you can imagine, I’m going to need more to process this tremendous loss.
Between making arrangements, handling her affairs, and simply finding the space to grieve, I’d really appreciate the opportunity to take additional time off. I’d love to discuss what options might be available—whether it’s extended bereavement leave, PTO, remote work, or any other flexibility.
Please let me know a good time to talk. I truly appreciate any support during this incredibly difficult time.
Best,
[Your Name]
